Some of my days are filled with joy, contentment...happiness. Others are tortured by unhappiness. It is a fact of my life. I am no longer ashamed to tell anyone I have spent a good deal of my life unhappy. I am equally excited to share with anyone who will listen that I have stopped living in a deep, dark pit I have called depression. It has not been an easy journey nor have I reached my final destination. I am 100% less sad most of the time these days than I can ever remember being for many of the years I have been alive. But, it is not easy. Every once in a while sadness comes to visit. In the last couple of weeks things haven't gone the way I wanted, I have felt alone, I did not feel accepted, whatever and I have found myself drifting back towards the edge of that dark, bottomless pit. It almost feels like it is calling me the same as an old friend would. There was a time when I would have gotten close to the edge wanting desperately to stay out of it and I would have been unsuccessful. These days, however, it is a little easier to stay out of that horrible pit.
Tonight I am writing this knowing someone might read it. Maybe I am hoping someone will read it and understand they are not alone. It is so important that we begin to understand how important we all are to each other.
I am happy with people and I am happy alone. I am happy because I want to be not because I have anything or anyone in particular. Everywhere I look there are articles about what we really want/need to be happy. I don't think there is a single answer for all of us. There is no one thing that would create happiness for me exactly the same as it would for you. Unless it is our sense of knowing it is a very subjective experience. Knowing that it does not come from without but from within. If beauty is in the eye of the beholder, happiness in within the heart of the seeker. If I want it I can have it. If I want to find negative things that drain me of my sense of peace and happiness then I will find them. I need to be happy because when I am, I am more creative which makes me more productive. I believe I have known unhappiness so that I can really appreciate happiness. I have lived with the heavy dark weight of sadness so that I could appreciate the light airy feel of happiness. I prefer this feeling to what I have had in the past.
I have written about this before and I will probably write about it again. I am on a journey. Happiness is a journey not a destination.
Thank you for traveling part-way down this road with me.