Raising the Roof!!

We have been asked about a fundraiser to rebuild our home...we have worked on how to do this and recently an idea came to us. Write a book and sale it to raise the money to rebuild our home!!!

Surviving the Loss of My Home...

The day after Thanksgiving my home burned.  Not to the ground but enough so that it no longer liveable, a shell of its original self.  For almost 100 years it stood against the wind and rain, minor fires and no telling what else.  It provided more than shelter for me and my family.  So many memories...my father's face, graduation celebrations, at least 20 other Thanksgivings, mom's 79th birthday party and countless children running up and down the hallway.

That day as I watched my home of 21 years burn, all I could do was cry and scream and cry some more.  I saw that fire consume my memories like a hungry animal consumed a plate of food.  Consuming my wood...my independence...my dreams.   For many days after the fire all I could do was try to move and cry some more.  I felt the same way I felt the day my father died...helpless, lost and sad beyond imagination.  I could not see the blessings before me.  I was blinded by grief.

What I remember of that day, aside from the flames, smoke and fear, includes the faces of my children, grandchildren, my mother, my sisters, brothers, nieces and nephews and all the people who came to give me a hug or hold my hand.  Those faces were a blur as I sank into my blindness.  The kind of blindness that does not completely take your sight but instead causes tunnel vision.  Everyday I got up (I don't know if I was awake or sleep walking) and did whatever I could do...I was only partially there.  I couldn't see...  I couldn't see my children (angels), my sisters (angels), all those Angels God sent from the Air Force base and from the community (California, Kentucky, Japan, New York, Hawai, Upper River Road and Ohio) who came to help me.

God spared our lives that day, 10 children, 3 adults and 3 dogs.  My eyes are open again.  There was a reason for my home to burn and for things to happen the way they did.  I don't know what the plan is but I have my eyes wide open, my arms stretched out wide in anticipation of the wonders before me.

Thank you for all you have done for me.

Affect Expression

This is a topic I talk about almost every day. There are at least a hundred words to describe how we feel. No matter how old or how well trained we sometimes inappropriately express how we feel. I am not talking about our physical wellbeing. We might be able to pinpoint the place on our bodies that is hurting but many of us have trouble expressing our emotions accurately. Yesterday, I was stressed out and instead of just saying I was stressed I went on and on about "the plan" which only served to add to the stress levels of others around me. How do we communicate more effectively with the people around us how we are feeling? Luckily, I was with people who love and care about me. They will overlooked my transgression. Spending some time thinking about how we feel and then how we communicate this to others might be a good idea.

Choosing Happiness

Some of my days are filled with joy, contentment...happiness.  Others are tortured by unhappiness.  It is a fact of my life.  I am no longer ashamed to tell anyone I have spent a good deal of my life unhappy.   I am equally excited to share with anyone who will listen that I have stopped living in a deep, dark pit I have called depression.  It has not been an easy journey nor have I reached my final destination.  I am 100% less sad most of the time these days than I can ever remember being for many of the years I have been alive.  But, it is not easy.  Every once in a while sadness comes to visit.  In the last couple of weeks things haven't gone the way I wanted, I have felt alone, I did not feel accepted, whatever and I have found myself drifting back towards the edge of that dark, bottomless pit. It almost feels like it is calling me the same as an old friend would.  There was a time when I would have gotten close to the edge wanting desperately to stay out of it and I would have been unsuccessful.  These days, however, it is a little easier to stay out of that horrible pit.

Tonight I am writing this knowing someone might read it.  Maybe I am hoping someone will read it and understand they are not alone.  It is so important that we begin to understand how important we all are to each other.

I am happy with people and I am happy alone.  I am happy because I want to be not because I have anything or anyone in particular.  Everywhere I look there are articles about what we really want/need to be happy.  I don't think there is a single answer for all of us.  There is no one thing that would create happiness for me exactly the same as it would for you.  Unless it is our sense of knowing it is a very subjective experience.  Knowing that it does not come from without but from within.  If beauty is in the eye of the beholder, happiness in within the heart of the seeker.  If I want it I can have it.  If I want to find negative things that drain me of my sense of peace and happiness then I will find them.  I need to be happy because when I am, I am more creative which makes me more productive.  I believe I have known unhappiness so that I can really appreciate happiness.  I have lived with the heavy dark weight of sadness so that I could appreciate the light airy feel of happiness.  I prefer this feeling to what I have had in the past.

I have written about this before and I will probably write about it again.  I am on a journey.  Happiness is a journey not a destination.

Thank you for traveling part-way down this road with me.

Our Four Walls -expanded

What an interesting topic!  Everyone has a different reaction to the concept of the four walls.  Some find it to comforting and others not so much.  Sometimes the walls are permeable and sometimes they are not.  For some the walls are close possibly do not extend beyond their physical being and for others it goes beyond the doors into the outer limits of their space.  I haven't been able to extend my walls.  I think I enjoy being able to come inside, even with what may appear to be chaos, and immerse myself in what feels like comfort within my four walls.

What do you think?

Defining Success

Success is a very subjective term.  We throw it around all of the time.  There is an invisible standard somewhere that supposedly determines for everyone what it is.  But, I have my own definition and I would like to share it with this group.  Success, for me, has nothing to do with the number of degrees one has or how much money you make.  It is reflected in the kind of life I live.  It means I can get my day started when I need to get it started.  It means I have time to exercise most days if not everyday.  It means I am capable of being with the people I want to be with, comfortably.  I can work as hard as I feel I need to or not.  I am capable of having as much fun as I can with the people in my life or by myself.  Of course, it also means I have enough money to pay my bills, save for retirement and buy the things I need and some of the things I want.  I can travel as little or as much as I'd like.  I am not afraid.

What do you think?

April is Child Abuse Prevention Month - What are you doing?

We talk about keeping children safe but what are we doing to make this happen?  The Rainbow House CRC in Warner Robins is sponsoring several events this month to raise awareness about child abuse.  Do you know who or where they are?  Do you know how many children in your community abused each year?  

Get involved.